Rauny..miss you..love you..

I don’t know what to say, I don’t know what not to say. I don’t know what to question; I don’t know where to find the answers. I don’t know what to believe, I don’t know what not to believe. I can’t just let this sink in. It is just not possible for me. All that I do is, look at you and wonder why God is so cruel? Does he not have a heart? He made us, He made the relationships, He made the heart, he made the love, and then why is it that he can’t let the love remain. When He made the heart, why does He hurt it so much? If He has a heart, why can’t He feel the pain of losing someone? Someone, who you never thought, even in the worst nightmares, would not rise to see the next day.
You, of all the people. You, the one who brought a smile to the faces of one and all. You, the one who had pillow fights with me. You, the one to say,’Didi, main hoon na!’. You, the one to make faces when I did not hug you. You, the one who would hold on to my ear while sleeping. You, the one to irritate me and never listen to what I said. You, the one to say, ‘I’ll protect you!’. you, the one to write me letters in the code language that we had devised. You, the one who would play with me whenever I wanted. you, the one to understand me when I had a bad day and to tell me,’ Everything will be all right. Don’t worry’ .you, the one who would run around the house and dance with me like no one ever did. You, the only guy I ever proposed to. You, the one I always wanted to be with me. You, the one who fought with me and would hug me tight when I got angry. You, the one to cry when we left each other for home. You, the one to teach me Punjabi and patience. You, the Einstein at home. You, the one to go out for that extra mile only to make it special for all. You, the one who would fight day-in-and-day-out with Richie, yet, love her all the more. You, the one I have always looked up and wished for and wanted as an elder brother.You, the one knew how to crack those never-ending jokes that made no sense but made everyone laugh their hearts out. You, who knew life and its rules even before it started for you. You, the one, the only one who should not be there where you are.
There is a voice in me that is trying to ask Him why did He do this to us? There is a brain inside me that tells me that it will happen to one and all. I don’t know what to believe and what not to. The heart says it’s the worst that could ever happen to me and God does not exist. My mind, on the contrary, says that this a part of life and we have to accept it the way it is. It won’t ever change. There is a battle going on inside me. I don’t know who is going to win cause no matter who ever wins, the loss is all ours. The damage was done even before we could have known about it and tried to prevent it. I feel like a helpless sister who could just not do anything about you. Feel like lost.
I don’t see you anymore but I feel you with me. I can’t talk to you anymore but I can speak to you. I can’t listen to what you say but I can hear you. I don’t see myself dancing with you anymore but I see myself standing with you wherever you are, with you, only to tell you, ‘Rauny, you have been the best brother. I feel proud and happy that I have a cousin like you who at a very tender age of 10 taught me things that mean the most in life. I am with you and will always be with you, no matter where you are. I pray and hope and wish that you only have better and brighter times ahead. You are inexplicable.I love you…’

Lost...

Lost is the Red…

Lost is the White…

Lost is the Cause…

Lost is the Right…

 

Lost is the Aim…

Lost is the Name…

Lost is what was left…

What’s left Blame game?

 

Lost is the Love…

Lost is the Will…

We fall apart…

This will really kill…

 

Lost is the heart…

Lost is the mind…

Lost is my smile…

All that was mine…

 

Lost is the emotion…

Lost is the feeling…

Lost is the You with Me…

Lost is the WE…

 

To be damned…

To be dumped…

To be ditched…

To be doomed…

 

To be deceived…

To be betrayed…

Me, deluded…

Me, lead astray…

 

Lost is the Dodie,

Lost is The Guchchi,

Lost is Panzerliebe,

Lost is ME...

Thriving in the Land of Virtual Reality

'Life is an Illusion and Death is the ultimate Reality.'

Need. Desire. Want.

The prime forces that drive Humans to push against their limits, to tap their own potentials and to realize their dreams and achieve them in pursuit of achieving the various pleasures of life.

 

Human needs are incessant.

I see millions running in the rat-race. Trying their best to make it first to the finishing line by hook or crook, oblivious of the reason why ‘they’ want to run in the rat-race. There are many living a life in the disavowal mode, plainly enamoured by the materialistic pleasures that this world has to offer. In an age of plagiarism where people merely have an obscure view of their life, leading to an entire disarray of their individual projections and ideas; nothing more than a chaos can prevail.

Amidst this confusion are the various ambitions and aspirations that not only encourage but also instill confidence and provide the capability to look forward to a better tomorrow. It gives us the hope to see the sun rise and shine higher and brighter in future.

But looking at the bigger picture, what is dejecting is the fact that in the long run, the ‘living happily ever after’ ending does not happen after all our whims and fancies are met. Death being the final reality for all where destiny takes over our lives and is the master of all.

 

Even while writing about it, it just makes me cogitate on what is it that counts? What is it that matters? What is it that we are all running after? All I get as an answer is Nothing.

The bitter truth remaining the same for all.

Life and Death being the two indispensable faces of the same coin. On the one hand, Life motivates us and inspires us to live a life in a way like we would never live again. On the other hand, Death awaiting all of us where the very question and reason for our existence and living gets diminished. There is nothing that can fight destiny. Everything fails against it.

 

All that I can make out of everything that is rushing through my mind is that someone has rightly said:

‘It is not your life in the years that matters. It is the years of your life that matter.’

Eventually, I am just pondering over what I thought of life. My point of view about it is completely at loggerheads with the ultimate reality. Just wondering what am I and what I am not? What is true and what is not? What is Real and what is not?

My mind is in a state of obfuscation that is leaving me tizzy. I stand alone here, facing an Illusion called Life, when my mind and heart are on a quest to puzzle out the Virtual Reality….