It’s a cool breezy Saturday night. It poured all day long
and now it’s silent. Just the wind blowing, gushes of the trees, no stars, only
the moon that is trying to get a sneak-peek of what my world down here looks
like. Clouded, both the sky and my mind. Silence all around.
The noises or the voices in my head have gone off. Trying to
understand the silence within. I do not know if it is some form of ‘inner
peace’ or is it the ‘noiselessness’ of a turmoil brimming inside. I do not know
if this is right or if this is wrong. It is the forever existent dilemma within
that is rising again today. A fight of the head and the heart. A fight of mind over
matter. It is perennial.
This is that one moment when you really do not know where
you are heading for. When you are trying to reason with the self and make it
‘look’ rational and logical but are unable to convince yourself. That one
moment when your heart takes you to the ‘right’ direction and the mind tells
you that it is not ‘right’. It is weird, inexplicable.
It is a state of being and yet not being. When you think and
yet not think. When you reason and yet do not reason. When you want and yet do
not want. When you feel and yet do not feel. When you love and yet do not
love. It is the two states. To be or not
to be.
Confused. The only constant that has ever been.
In my quest to understand the self, questions are raised and
left unanswered. Or may be I even know the answers but do not want to answer.
Or may be there is no answer really. The world is full of options.
Sipping my black coffee, I look outside my window and try
and look within. There are patches of white and patches of black. The grey
areas are huge. It’s all about the vantage point really.
The lightning strikes. Outside and within. I shut the doors,
but how do I shut the self. May be I will think about everything else some
other day, some other time. For now, it is just the wind, thunder; lightening,
coffee and I. I give it up for the day, sip my coffee and just enjoy the breeze
by my window. May be the wind will flow past the thick skin and ‘breeze’ it up
for me within.
And it Rained!
